To the girl who feels like she was born with holes,
I am your people. I felt that way for a long, long time too. I felt like something was missing inside of me. I felt like everyone else was huddled up together in the middle having a good ole time, and I was always in the corner standing alone, just looking on. I felt like there was a party, and I just wasn’t invited to attend. Like there was a gala, and I just didn’t have a dress to wear. Like there was a secret, and nobody was handing me the phone to hear.
– I tried to fill them up with trying to be well liked and trying to be invited to all the right places and being a part of all the right clubs.
– I tried to fill them up with being pretty, and makeup. I tried to fill them up with being skinny and wearing the right clothes. I tried to fill them up with looking the way other people thought I should look.
– I tried to fill them up with happiness. Not necessarily in finding my own, but in trying to create it in other people by giving them gifts, by bending over backwards not to step on their toes. By being silent when I should have spoken up. By being pushed around when I should have stood up.
– I tried to fill them up with perfection. I tried to fill them up with never making a mistake. I tried to fill them up by never offending anyone, by constantly putting my best face forward.
– I tried to fill them up by measuring up, by being enough. By looking around at everyone else and complaining about all they had that I didn’t.
I tried and I tried, but when all that failed, when all that left me feeling more tired, and more empty than ever before, I hitched my heart to this one solid truth, this one secure foothold, this one rock on which to build my foundation: I was made with holes, so God could fill them up with His mighty love.
I was made with holes, so God could fill them up with His purpose. I was made with holes, so God could fill them up with His glory.
I was made with holes so I could know, without a shadow of a doubt, that this world is not my home.
I was made with holes so I could learn to cling to Him and His truth and His word.
I was made with holes, so I would never get too casual, too comfortable, too complacent of simply going through the motions, of walking through the shallow waters, of living a life apart from Him.
If you have holes, please know today that they are God’s way of making sure you know that you belong to Him, that you belong to His family, that you are more than loved — you are made with purpose.